Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
