Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
