I think I just saw someone hide a body.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
