I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
