k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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