Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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