I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
false alarm, still single
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
