I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
