he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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