On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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