she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
