Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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