So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
