Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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