Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
