Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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