Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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