The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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