Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
