I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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