Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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