I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
