I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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