Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
