I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
