i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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