Well douche your snatch and let's go!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we're making bets on your personal life
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
