so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
