trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can you bring me the toilet please
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
