guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
