I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
