Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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