I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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