Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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