She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
