Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
