I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
