Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
