Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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