I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
