i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
