Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
