And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
