found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
