You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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