Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
