Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
