Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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