i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
