I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
