Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
