Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
