I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize