forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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