Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Let's paint friendship bongs
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
