i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
