What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
