Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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