u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
