so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
