no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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