i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
