anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize