just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
