this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
