Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
