Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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