So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
